ASU Research E-Magazine: Flirting 101

Propped against the bar in a cramped, dimly lit room, the young man slowly scans the nameless crowd looking for a friendly face. He catches an inviting glance from a woman at the end of the bar just as he is about to resume studying the bottom of his glass. She looks away. Then, coyly, she looks up to re-engage eye contact. She smiles and flips her hair.

He returns the smile, adjusts his designer shirt, and casually walks across the room. Money in hand, he prepares to buy her a drink.

And so the timeless art of flirtation continues.

Melanie Trost says that such a scenario can be interpreted as an important step in the evolutionary reproductive ritual. During the initial stages of courtship interaction, subtle cues—both verbal and nonverbal—are used to attract and display interest and availability between two people.

“Women are primarily the gatekeepers when it comes to flirting among heterosexual couples,” says Trost, a behavior researcher and ASU associate professor of communication. “Grooming gestures, eye contact, and exposing the neck are all gestures of openness.”

Other universal indicators from women include low-level touching, brushing the shoulder, and laughing.

Men tend to do other things to display their availability and demonstrate their social status, Trost says. They flash money, talk about their cars or occupations, and buy fancy clothes.

Jess Alberts is the director of ASU#146;s Hugh Downs School of Human Communication. She and Trost co-wrote a book chapter titled “An Evolutionary View on Understanding Sex Effects in Communicating Attraction.” Alberts says that body language is very important when it comes to flirting.

“Couples tend to non-verbally indicate their interest and negotiate whether or not one of them will approach the other,” Alberts says.

But there is more to flirting than just body language. “Many things contribute to the meaning of a particular message, including the situation and the environment,” she adds.

“The context of the situation is important. So is the goal,” Trost says.

For example, women sometimes flirt at bars just to get free drinks, while men will flirt with the waitress to get faster service. Trost says that people flirt almost anywhere a mixture of men and women is found. Flirting occurs in bars, art museums, at the cafeteria, at baseball games, or in supermarkets. Flirting is used as a means to achieve a romantic interlude, or to just have fun with no strings attached.

“Flirting is a complex system of signaling and responding, and both men and women can benefit from understanding the cues,” Trost says.

Since flirting is a reciprocal process, these sometimes not-so-subtle signals between people have a way of getting misinterpreted or distorted. “Women who are ‘not interested’ or who cannot elude a suitor by avoiding or ignoring him, are very direct in giving rejection cues,” Trost says. A woman will often be blunt and tell a flirting man that she has a boyfriend or that she just is not interested.

“However, unavailable men don’t use rejection cues as often as women,” Trost says. “They’re more likely to flirt with a woman even if they’re not interested in her.”—Rob DeFrancesco